Wednesday 23 November 2011

Notes on a Small Universe


India is vast. I spent seven weeks there and experienced Delhi and its suburbs for a few days, and then a tiny subset of the small city of Rishikesh: place of pilgrimage and spirituality. I can as much say I have explored India as someone whose only exploration of London involved buying a cup of coffee at a service station somewhere along the M25.

Regardless, here are the notes on my India. My hitherto India, I should say. India is so vast that not writing about what little I know is tantamount to someone not writing about France because he hasn't also visited England, Spain, Portugal, Germany, Italy…

I arrived in Delhi deprived of sleep and slightly jet-lagged after a two-part flight, which involved the harrowing Doha airport (see a previous piece: Purgatory). At first, this behemoth nation conformed to the image I had constructed of it in my mind from films, books, the internet and the Indians I had known. Overflowing buses with people sitting on the roof, odours of incense and basmati rice, beggar girls holding babies with running noses banging on car windows at traffic lights, spice markets, rolling hills of rotting rubbish. The sights and smells and stimuli were all there and exciting, but they met my expectations. I wanted them surpassed. I felt, dare I say it, disappointed and short changed. 

I now know, and have it confirmed by Indians and tourists alike, that Delhi is not a pleasant place. It is by no means a yardstick with which to judge the rest of India. A 300 km car ride later (over 8 hours travel time: they are still working on the motorways) and I was in Rishikesh. A Hindu Lourdes. People travel from the southern most parts of India just to be able to bathe in the holy Ganges before sunrise. I was able to do this every morning. I was able but only got round to it once. An experience that will not ever be forgotten. The river is not only considered holy - it is holy. A quick plunge into the cold water is enough to feel this.

Ram Jhula is the "borough" of Rishikesh in which I lived and learned yoga for 6 weeks; Laxman Jhula its bigger and more metropolitan sister, a fifteen minute walk away. One of the many striking things about this sacred spot is that nature rules supreme. Humans make way for it: the river, the foliage, the monkeys, the dogs, the cows… and their excrement. Cows are revered here and amble about the streets like lords. Some sport coloured necklaces or red ribbons and bells. Like getting to know the commuters on your walk to the tube station, I got to know and recognise the cows. The one with the missing horn. The one with its horns pointing in different directions. The one with the bandaged ankle. The newborn ones, as fluffy and puffy as chicks. The cows move around as individuals, congregating in a herd - how we are accustomed to seeing them, as cogs in the wheel of livestock farming - only at night to rest.

I also got to know the beggars, who almost outnumber the tourists here. These are not beggars by British standards. Looking like a witch-doctor, shaman and Rastfari hybrid, they wear orange robes, smoke hash, smile a lot and greet you saying what they think is "how are you?", sounding more like "Hare-yoo". The exception which proves the rule is one who took to spitting at me and declaring his dislike whenever we would pass: "I don't like you. Not nice." One morning he had a change of heart and tried to entice me to join him for chai - chai that he would pay for, no less. But his initial presuppositions about my "no good nature" were confirmed when I declined and he hobbled off.

People smile a lot here. The media love to talk about India's GDP, huge population or the starvation in parts, but they never mention the happiness and optimism. India is a very happy country with some of the most consistently genuine and warm people in the world. When a beggar with polio, and one with stubs for arms and legs, sit on the street every day and still manage to beam at you, it really puts the plaintive British mindset to shame.

Some of Hinduism's core assumptions - that are closely linked to the philosophies of yoga - are that the present moment is all there is; the interconnectedness of everything and everyone on earth and the fact that underneath everything we see in the material world is love, happiness and understanding. Where do you think the hippies got all their ideas from?

Everything changes and everything returns according to Hinduism. Even we return. Just with different bodies. The assumption that this life is not the last - and certainly not the first either - has lent the Indian people a buoyancy that pervades everywhere, even if many people may not be actively religious or aware of their culture's ideaology. 

Family life is of utmost importance here, and this mentality spreads to a love of people in general. If a stranger wants to speak to you on the London Underground, he is either a freak or after something. If a stranger wants to speak to you here, 99.9% of the time they just want to be your friend.

The Rishikesh locals are the most trusting I have met. If you are short on cash or want to take a bowl of food back to your guesthouse and return the crockery later - no problem! There is a mentality in India that anything is possible. Anything. The stereotype of "developing" nations is that things take longer. In some cases it may be true, but things definitely seemed to get done a lot quicker in Rishikesh than in good old England. Floorboards for the new yoga hall at Rishikesh Yog Peeth were being laid down and nailed in minutes before the first class of the course began. Foundations of buildings are whipped up in a day, and building work takes place anywhere… including in the middle of an exceedingly narrow and exceedingly busy bridge. 

Outside my window a new building was being put up over the seven weeks I stayed there.  Not a health and safety handbook in sight, risks taken and working arrangements that would have had the council at back home up in arms, yet… NOBODY got hurt. And the building steadily grew towards completion with double the speed it would have had in the UK. How is this possible, you ask with incredulity. All the "contractors" were consenting adults (in case you were wondering) and worked with the tenacity of ants. Incidentally, my room in Korea also overlooked an under-construction apartment block. They must be one of my life's leitmotifs.

India is psychedelic. Colour leaves nothing untouched. The saris (Indian women just don't do demure), the Ken Kesey-style buses looking like they were decorated by enthusiastic children, the artwork and crafts, the murals in cafes, the homage to their deities, the deities themselves. The festivals are always exuberant occasions, more akin to parties than religious happenings. Diwali's display of lights can be seen from space - literally - and sets off more fireworks than the Fourth of July. I now know what it is like to practise yoga to the sound of artillery. Holi, celebrated in February, involves having paint fights and ending up looking like a modern art installation. And you should see how they dance- not a drop of Dutch-courage to drink and they leap and fling themselves about to music that even the most recalcitrant of party-poopers would have trouble not tapping his foot to. You are always sure to be treated to wafts of their gorgeous music everywhere you step: from shops to restaurants to slightly tinnier versions played from mobile phones in alleyways.

One apparent paradox is that of cleanliness. A lot of activity seems to go on in the name of cleaning. Even the beggars scrub themselves properly everyday at the water taps dotted around. Washing is always hanging out to dry. Shop fronts and guest house floors are maintained well. Contrast this to the Indian habit of urinating and defecating anywhere, making certain short cuts in town pungent and overwhelming. Think concentrated festival toilet. And when I say anywhere, I mean anywhere. And with no abashment. Forget ever finding toilet paper in facilities. That's what one's left hand and the water tap are for! The Indians also don't seem to need any sort of tissue-type equivalent when it comes to blowing their nose. Indeed, they let rip all bodily functions without an iota of self-consciousness.

This seems contradictory to their apparent modesty when it comes to exposing bare shoulders and legs. I often became the victim of disapproving looks and comments for my "bad dress" and  short hair. I was advised by several gurus, astrologers and yoga teachers that I should not have short hair as it throws my feminine energy out of balance. I assured them I was growing it as fast as my body and nature allowed.

If certain things take longer - the preparation of food in restaurants, the tuning of instruments before a concert - it is because the devotion and care taken in completing these tasks is so great. Food is made with love here. Instruments are played with love. These things are done for the sake of doing them, rather than to turn a profit. This thoroughness and work ethic is reflected in the way the women rinse and wring out the laundry and the cleaners scrub the floors. That is yoga happening: complete union with whatever it is you are doing. And not a yoga mat in sight. In India, everything is a celebration. Life is here to be loved.

One of the most difficult questions I will inevitably have to answer will be "how was India?" India was everything: good, bad, ugly; wonderful, uplifting, inspiring; exhausting, frustrating, overwhelming; alien, comforting, peaceful. India gave me so much. And it will continue to. In memories and when I return. If not in this life then in another one.

Tuesday 15 November 2011

The Sound of Silence


Week 5 of Yoga Teacher Training Course in Rishikesh, India. Six days to be spent in self-imposes silence. Here is my what happened.

Day 1

A small card declaring "I am observing a one week silence. Om shanti" lies ready and waiting. It will be my interlocutor for the next week whenever I find myself in situations which would usually require the exchange of words.
Already my inner monologue is whirring and at times even breaks into an inner dialogue: the imagined conversations I won't be able to actually have with people.

The morning yoga class is no problem (the mantra chanting and Om-ing at the start and end of class will not disqualify me). However, after presenting my flash card to my yoga teacher, he pockets it… not realising I was expecting it back. I laugh inwardly before an observant friend informs him of the cruciality of that small piece of paper and he returns it. I squeeze her shoulder to so thank you. 

At breakfast, one half of the dining area has been designated chat-free, for the group of us who are observing the week's silence. There is something respectful about the quiet and a sense of bonding arises just from being together and eating together, despite no audible communication. Eating in silence opens up a whole new world of experiences for enjoying and tasting one's food. I highly recommend you give yourself time to take a few meals a week in silence, if not every day.

Just by missing out on the breakfast banter, I already feel calm and can register the energy surplus from not expending it on chit-chat, however pleasant it usually is. I make a mental note to write some cards bearing the words "Chai masala" or "ginger lemon honey" so that I can place my tea order with the kitchen boys without having to play charades. My order might not otherwise make it across the cultural barrier.

In a shop, I enjoy the experience of having to write out that I want body lotion, and then pointing to the menu to give my order. The only minor problem came when I changed my mind about the tea. Instead of trying to mime this, I just left the tea shop!

I have allowed myself to communicate by writing - both on paper or over the internet. My tweets have gone through the roof. Having to write out everything you want or need to say to those around you really makes you choose your words wisely: separating the conversational chaff from the wheat. 

I made it through day 1 without any slip-ups.. save for singing along to a few lines of Adele in my room.

Day 2

This morning was the hardest yoga practice so far. My mind is distracted and runs away with thoughts more easily than usual. 

People's voices are beginning to annoy and I find myself wishing that a certain few were also observing the silence. Irritable and apathetic today. Body exhausted from a boot camp level of back bends. Trying to write more than two words on an iPhone in lieu of talking is too frustrating to bear, so hand writing on a napkin takes its place.

The Indian people I interact with are all very respectful and reverent when I show them my little card. I need to make a conscious effort to look people in the eye and smile - where one might just normally get away with a "hello" - making the exchange more heartfelt.

I miss not being able to speak the most during lectures, where I usually ask a question or two each class. I now have a growing list of questions to ask when the week is over.

The evening's yoga class was one of my best in the course so far and I had the urge to share this with Sanjay, my teacher. I wrote a note telling him it had been a great class. He was very touched and now will have the note as a permanent reminder. Imagine if we had every compliment ever given us on a piece of paper….

Day 3

Maintaining silence is becoming easier as the people I interact with on a daily basis become used to my not being able to speak. It dawned on me that this is not a very big challenge at all. I am in Rishikesh, where "fasting" and other acts of abstinence are commonplace, compared to your average municipality. I am living in a bubble at the moment, albeit a very fruitful and rewarding one. I don't have any of the responsibilities and obligations - social or otherwise - that I would at home. Contrast this to the Vipasana silence retreats where for 10 days nothing but introspection is allowed. No reading, writing, eye contact, touching, computer use. Even eating is kept to a bare minimum.

I concluded evening yoga with a very enjoyable cry, thus inventing Sobbing Child's Pose. Chai and lashings of rice pudding were on hand at dinner to console.

Day 4

Things are getting interesting. Last night I had a turbulent night's sleep. I awoke with what felt like the onset of a panic attack. I felt sick and unsettled and didn't go back to sleep properly. The half-sleep I had was filled with dreams which took on the form and content they tend to during "nightmares": viscera, gore, death, illness. I woke up grumpy and groggy. The knock on effect was a sore, stiff body and wanting to give up yoga forever. Well, not quite. Morning yoga turned out magically, proving that the greater the psychological barrier, the greater the benefits and outcome, indeed. Whether the previous night's experience be down to connecting with my subconscious, on account of greater introversion, or from yoga's cathartic properties… something has been dislodged inside and it is bliss.

My hastily scribbled (trying to keep apace with the speed at which it would be spoken) notes to people are used only when I feel it is necessary ("I am having problems with my internet again!") or when I feel as if what I want to say is valuable.
For example, this morning when I passed a note to my teacher, with a grin, saying "what is time anyway?!" after he had apologised emphatically for running 15 minutes over time. This made me realise that much of what we say on a daily basis is pure background noise, utterly pointless… yet apparently still gratifying. 

I am comparing my own perceptions of myself: now (during silence) and before (when I had the power of speech). There is a difference. Looking back at memories of myself in conversations, it is like watching a video of myself: is that really me? I feel, look and sound different. How will this perception change when I resume speaking? Incidentally, does the voice in YOUR head "sound" the same as it does out loud? Mine doesn't. It doesn't really have a timbre…

The inner me (made up of the thoughts and dialogue in my head) and the outer me (conversations I have and the way I behave) seem and feel very different to me. As if they are two separate entities. Is this the usual state of affairs for everyone or does this reflect something about me and how I perceive myself? And I think just fell down the rabbit hole.

Inspiration has exploded. The floodgates have been opened and I have to keep writing them down, lest my head turned into a mass of wriggling worms. It may be the creativity or the unexpectedly delicious Kombacha tea (the slightly fermented taste allowing me to pretend it's the hard stuff), but I am in excellent spirits: I don't even want seconds of chapati at lunch!


Day 5

I'm starting to get bored and frustrated and looking forward to breaking the silence. The insular, group environment of Rishikesh Yog Peeth is also starting to become slightly stifling: same routine every day, nowhere to escape to, limited variety of people to socialise with. Think boarding school with fewer distractions, no alcohol and no weekends out in the real world. 

Dying to speak, talk, converse, prattle, chew the fat. Social depravation beginning to be felt. This week of silence and the colonic purge tomorrow (part of our syllabus!) morning will make for a cathartic and cleansing week. 

Day 6

The last day of silence and I wake up feeling it is my birthday. Instead of the usual asana class this morning we are doing Shanka-prakshalan. In a nutshell: we are to drink 16 glasses of luke warm salt water interspersed with a specific series of asana and mad dashes to the toilet. The hardest part is overcoming the nausea from drinking so much salt water. I make it to 13 glasses of water and 4 rounds of the asanas and successfully manage to make the river run clear, as it were. A special meal of ghee, rice and lentils is prepared for us. The rest of the day is to be spent resting and not drinking any sort of caffeinated drinks. Tomorrow will be a day of celebrating with chai and chat. Today is for rest and rejuvenation.

Indulging in chai and sweets (I just couldn't wait!) was not a good idea in the long run after what was the expulsion of the entire lining of my digestive tract this morning. I should have realised the bad omen when the samosa man could not understand the message I wrote him. I had to shove my exercise book under the eyes of another tourist who happened to be in eye-shot to make sure i got my Nutella and banana samosa and chai (no sugar).


Day 7: the first day of the rest of my life

The first few conversations back were slightly anti-climactic. But then again, what was I expecting? Having a break from babbling has made me appreciate being able to  converse and, more importantly, connect with people all the more. Ordering tea is now a cinch, although I will miss the playful interactions I had with the tea boys, miming my order to them at each meal. I have to keep remembering I can talk again. I can ask questions in class.When I pass someone in the alley I can say hello as well as smile. 

Most interesting are the comments of my peers. They said I looked peaceful, that I emitted a positive and calming energy and that I also looked strong and focused. 

I feel like I have woken up from a sleep. The break from talking has been palpable. Like the Shanka-prakshalan, this was definitely a deep clean for something - my soul, my voicebox, my personality.